Adventures in Home Buying; Or, Why I Drank So Much In 2012

I was relatively silent on here about all of the adventures that our move to Nevada brought us. One of the biggest pains in the ass was the purchase of our Too Tan House.  My husband has been a journalist for the better part of 25 years, and it really does take a lot for him to pull the "I'm with the press and will be documenting this catastrophic series of events" card, but our home buying process was so riddled with frustration and ridiculous things, that John felt compelled to pull his card. He figured that out here in the Land of Foreclosure, we were not the only people experiencing these kinds of problems.

Here's his first person account of our not-so-short sale:

I like that the caricatures give me a hot red dress and heels, and John more hair than he's had in 15 years. :)

The Too Tan House

Our new house here in the desert is lovely and beautiful, and is bigger and nicer than anything I ever thought I would ever afford here. If we were going to move to Nevada, we picked a great time;when housing was at the total bottomed out price.  Hooray for that, at least.

The house is only 5 years old, and all but the kid's rooms and one bathroom are your standard issue tan. I really despise tan. To me it screams "Safe. Lazy. Meh."  And I have about 2200 square feet of it.  What should I do with it?  I have pretty bold colored furnishings in the living and dining room, but other than that I feel like the rest of our shit is pretty tan, too. It fit well in our artsy deco house in Lawrence, but in this giant space of tan, it all blends in with everything. I hate it!

I've never fancied myself much of a decorator. I try and do things to rooms and they don't look bad, but I'm not exactly David Bromsted either.  And so, I am going to put some pictures up and I want you guys to tell me what to do.  I need ideas, and nothing will seem to crazy.  :) Paint? Furnishings? Art? All of the above? Give me some feedback.

I am determined to make Las Vegas our home, and so I want to start with the place we spend most of our time. I'm excited to see what you all have to recommend.

Lots of tan and brown. Oh look, a read couch. Among the tan. Zzzzz.

Tan walls. Tan carpet. Tannish everything. Boring. (and an ancient weiner dog, for cuteness)

Resolutions 2013

It's the end of the year, and so it's typical that we have New Year's Resolutions. You know, those things you write out and then scrap 2 weeks later. :)  Well, I'm going to try my best to stick to mine, so I've set the bar pretty low. Hey, it's how I roll.

My first one is to lose weight. Yes. Typical resolution. Since our move to Nevada, I've gained about 15 pounds.  Not too much, but not the direction I was wanting to go. And so, I joined Weight Watchers again, and am going to tell my personal trainer that it's time to kick it in to high gear...which means I will hate her. As long as hating her results in a sweet ass, I don't care.

My second one is to come to this blog and update more.  2012 was a jacked up year, plain as day. I spent 5 months away from my spouse, and another 6 living in the fresh hell known as Box Wonderland in the Weird Apartment Complex. I sold a house, bought another (after 8 f*cking months of waiting), moved 2 times, and spent the first holiday season of my life away from my family.  It was a hard year...I mean, we learned a lot about what we can tolerate and what our breaking point is, but I am ready to close the chapter on Tumultuous 2012 and settle in to quiet regular suburban Hot Mess living.

Just to update on the family, Hubs is loving his new job, Sam is thriving in his new autistic kindergarten, and Sloane is excited about her dance school starting back up.  The kids got new bikes and scooters for Christmas, so they are busy practicing and honing their skills.  I've met a few new friends so the loneliness isn't quite as bad, though I miss the pants off of all my best people from the Midwest. I get to go back and visit in January though (alone!) so I am really excited.

Here's to hoping I can keep my resolutions for 2013. For those of you who love to read this, you can drop me a line or call and keep me honest, too. :) And, I hope that all of your wishes for 2013 are realized, too.

Happy Holidays, Happy New Year.

The Hot Mess

Why I Could Never Home School...

Samuel is in Kindergarten this year, and we were so excited that we finally had a school aged child.  Oh, what to do with that whole 3 hours per day of free time??!  You guessed it, I eat bon bons and read Us Weekly. :)

I think that Kindergarten has changed in the decades since I was enrolled. I remember Kindergarten being this really cool place with books and a tent! and a cooking station! and we got to learn about a new letter that was turned into a character once per week.  Fast forward to 2012, and Kindergarten has CORE STANDARDS to meet.  By the end of Kindergarten, the children are expected to not only know all the colors and letters and numbers, but to be able to write them and spell them, too. No super fun "Mr. T" week. No tents.  This is some serious business, y'all.

My son is autistic, and though he has an obsession with numbers, letters, reading and counting, he hates to write.  Despises it. Would rather go to the doctor than write his name. You can see where this presents a problem for us, as I am "the responsible parent" who has to help with his homework every night.  I've taken many a class on ABA therapy, which is a standard for teaching autistic children new skills. We work for treats and movies and celebration.  He writes a few letters, and we have a celebration.   Sounds fun, eh?

I'd rather go to the doctor than to sit for hours every night and cajole him into sitting and holding a pencil.  We do two work sheets and I feel like I need to go run or hit something. It pains me as much as it pains him when the 7 o'clock homework hour comes around. Homework packets? In kindergarten?  WTF!

So what should I do?  I guess I pop my xanax and tell him to pick up his pencil, and be ready to dole out the M&M's like he just revised a Steinbeck novel.  If this is how the homework hour is going to go for the next 12 years of my life, I better get a better prescription and lots of candy. :)

No Place Like Home

For the past 5 days, we spent a crazy fun, long weekend in Kansas.  We crammed it all in...our ultimate experience (much like what people do in Vegas. Ha ha. Anyways...).

Friends, friends, friends. Kid friends. Mom friends. Bar friends.  Lots o' friends.

Family, family, family.  Hub's entire family was together for our nephews wedding.  He's one of 8 brothers and sisters, so that is a huge undertaking that does not happen too often. I believe the last Hubs Mega Family Reunion might have been our wedding almost 7 years ago. I got to see my momma and dad, a few of my nieces and nephews, and sister in law.  It was wonderful.

Free State Brewery!  Kansas City Barbecue!  Yello Sub!  Delicious one-of-a-kind foods that I cannot get out here. It was amazingly delicious, and I enjoyed the heck out of it. My scale agrees. :)

Something weird happened though.  I became....ready to go "home."  It was the first time that I ever considered Las Vegas my home now.  I do not live in Kansas....I live in Nevada.  And as much as I dislike our current living situation (I lovingly refer to it as Cabrini Green West), I was ready to be back to our normal.  Both kids missed school, I missed my gym, and we all missed our routine here.  WEIRD, RIGHT?

Maybe this place finally is growing on us.  It's promising! I'll take it as a positive. :)

It Finally Happened...

Well, it took five years to happen, but today my son asked me the dreaded question: "Mom, can we go to Chuck E Cheese?"

God. Why! WHY! What makes that place so awesome?  Chunky Cheese and it's ilk are my idea of Hell on Earth.  I love good food, I love video games, I love child friendly places...but something about the conglomeration of all of those (minus the good food) with a dirty rat as a spokesperson just gives me the heeby jeebies.

I have learned that every parent has their own version of the "worst place ever."  One of my friends has convinced his children that McDonald's is full of scary clowns.  Now, at age 7, their oldest has never eaten McDonald's. Age seven and has never had a Happy Meal?  That is bananas to me, who stuffed her kids with golden arches food as soon as they were old enough for a road trip.  I understand that a lot of other parents don't mind Chunky Cheese.  I raise my glass to you. I'd rather have a lobotomy.

And so, I told another of a multitude of Little White Lies.  "Sam, that place has really gross food, and the people are scary, and it's loud.  I don't think you would like it." (in my mind I was also saying "that disgusting rat costume hasn't been washed since 1984, and I'd rather eat a bike tire than a slice of their pizza).

Seriously. I am a food lover. I am a culture lover. We have taken our kids to some amazing places that a lot of adults wish they had access to. Yet, still, the urge to visit the Chunky Hell on Earth is strong.  I thought I raised my kids better than that!

Kudos to the Chunky marketing team though...clearly you are doing something right.

Lucky Fives

Tomorrow, my boy turns 5.  The tiny baby that I carried home from the hospital 5 years ago will go to kindergarten in 3 weeks.

I want to know where the years went!  Where the time went!  When my baby grew up.

I suppose he grew up before my very own eyes, and I am having an A ha! Moment!

Feeling nostalgic tonight, on the eve of my son's birth.  The days are long but the years are short.

Happy birthday, Chupa Monster.  Mom and Dad think you are the bee's knees.