A Math Equation...

1 crazy, half-blind, 84 year old grandmother
+
2 toddlers
+
4 immunizations and one flu shot at the pediatrician's office
+
1 bid for windows that absolutely HAVE to be replaced
+
dealing with the idiot contractor who is supposed to be doing our fence
+
having to grocery shop with the above mentioned crazy grandmother and 2 cranky toddlers
=
6 glasses of wine for the stressed out, crazy busy mama tonight.

Life with Grandma L...

My grammy is visiting right now. I love her to pieces, and she's a fiesty octagenarian who loves Jayhawks and spoils my kids rotten. Sadly, she's starting to have some...eh...shall we say "moments not of this world." She's still got her wits about her, but some of the things she says are completely random and at times, utterly hilarious.

And so, I give you...Shit My Grandma Says.

Me: These kids are driving me nuts today.
Grandma: Peanuts? I love peanuts. I could go put in my teeth and we could have some...

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Grandma: Sloane looks just like you Linny, except she's missing your fiery attitude...

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Grandma: I need to go back to school. I'm losing my memory. Maybe I could take a KU class while I'm here.
Me: Grandma, classes already started...and why do you want to go back to school? Just enjoy the rest of your life.
Grandma: My mind is going, and I need to find someone to catch up to it.

***********************************

Grandma: I need my hair colored. I'm tired of the gray.
Me: OK gran, what color are you thinking?
Grandma: Oh, maybe a blonde color...think they could do that? I want to look younger.

**********************************

Grandma: Did you know Lady Gaga wore a meat dress to some award show?
Me: You know who Lady Gaga is?
Grandma: I saw her on Headline News. What in the hell is wrong in her head? A meat dress? They'd have killed her for wasting food like that when I was a kid.

Because I Like to Document My Parenting Failures...

Poor Sloaney.

She got into a tug of war with her mean big brother, who pulled her down onto the concrete. Being the stubborn girl that she is, she didn't let go of the rope, and her nose took the brunt of the fall.

Hamburger face. Another milestone reached on board the Hot Mess Express.

A Quick Update...

I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, hence the lack of blogging lately. But, I came up for air long enough to write everyone a quick update...

Sam is still loving the Little Caesar's ads, but not with the lust that he once did. I see a break up in my future.

Sloane has learned to give kisses, and now wants to kiss everyone from the dog to the checkout lady at Dillons. Adorable, yet frightening.

I am blazing through the last few weeks of prep work before the Humane Society auction, of which I am the donation coordinator. Charity work is not always fun. Fulfilling, yes...fun, no. I'm ready for the event to happen so I can get back to my somewhat normal life.

We are planning on doing ZERO for Labor Day weekend. No plans, and I couldn't be happier. We may go to a tailgate with the lovely Miss Flying Fork and her family, but that's it.

Some recent events in life have given me a new perspective on my family and children. Hold your families close people, because nobody is promised tomorrow.

We got revenge on a friend last weekend for her birthday chainsaw to Sam for his first birthday. I found the loudest, most annoying farm animal learning tool, with no on/off switch or volume control. Happy Birthday, little one! Pay back is a B, mama. ;)

Have a great labor day everyone! Be safe and have fun!