Is This Thing On?

September in the Hot Mess household has been a whirlwind. So much so, that I was relieved to wake up Saturday to October.  September marked a month of events that I was heavily involved in planning, and as much as my heart warmed at being able to raise awareness and money for various charities that are close to my heart, I have felt that I have been putting my family and their needs on the back burner.  We rocked out September, and I am looking forward to making up the time I didn't spend with my kids in October.

We are in a difficult and unsure time in our life regarding care for Sam.  Sam loves and adores school, but he loves and adores it in his own way, which basically means he goes to do his own thing.  It takes extra hands daily to get Sam to listen, participate, draw, eat, sit and play. He won't interact with the other kids much, but we continue to take him so that hopefully he can learn.  Lately, when it comes time for the day that Hubs and I volunteer at school, Sam acts out. On top of his daily struggles, he takes to kicking and hitting and screaming when I am there helping. It is absolutely breaking my heart. Not only for him, but because of the uncertainty in the other children's faces, and the disruption that his outbursts cause.  My entire life I have been so looking forward to being a Room Mother in school, being able to help out, and finally getting the opportunity, it isn't panning out the way I had dreamed.  Many events in our life with Sam have not panned out the way we expected and thought, but I really had hoped that school would be different.  His teachers are wonderful people, and his special education support staff is a Godsend, but I still wonder in the back of my mind how much his teachers will put up with before they have to tell us he can no longer come to school.  There is also the sense of dread that I feel in that I am peeking into the future with Sam. This is not going to be a problem that is short term; we've got 14 more years of trying to mold the education system to fit the needs of our autistic son.

Sloane is coming into her own personality, which means that she is now testing her boundaries, and using her adorableness to get away with things she wants. I have no idea where she got that from. ;)  Sloane has been in time out a lot lately, as her favorite thing to do is put her hand on her hip and say "NO!" to everything.  She's still a wonderful role model to Sam, and she is very encouraging to him. She's currently obsessed with Mr. Jackson, our ill weiner dog. She's always bringing him blankets and petting him and making sure he is comfortable. She's also taken to carrying "baby" around everywhere. Sometimes baby is named Grant (her cousin), but most of the time it's simply Baby.  Sloane is my natural care giver.  She goes to daycare at least once per week, and hates leaving when it's time.  As many times a day she makes me want to pull my hair out, there are at least double the times that I laugh uncontrollably at her phrases, and melt at the sweetness she gives to everything around her.

So there's my update. Sorry it's been so long, and I look forward to hopefully updating with pictures of our bananas September.  But for now, I'm going to go snuggle with my not-so-baby children.