Is This Thing On?

September in the Hot Mess household has been a whirlwind. So much so, that I was relieved to wake up Saturday to October.  September marked a month of events that I was heavily involved in planning, and as much as my heart warmed at being able to raise awareness and money for various charities that are close to my heart, I have felt that I have been putting my family and their needs on the back burner.  We rocked out September, and I am looking forward to making up the time I didn't spend with my kids in October.

We are in a difficult and unsure time in our life regarding care for Sam.  Sam loves and adores school, but he loves and adores it in his own way, which basically means he goes to do his own thing.  It takes extra hands daily to get Sam to listen, participate, draw, eat, sit and play. He won't interact with the other kids much, but we continue to take him so that hopefully he can learn.  Lately, when it comes time for the day that Hubs and I volunteer at school, Sam acts out. On top of his daily struggles, he takes to kicking and hitting and screaming when I am there helping. It is absolutely breaking my heart. Not only for him, but because of the uncertainty in the other children's faces, and the disruption that his outbursts cause.  My entire life I have been so looking forward to being a Room Mother in school, being able to help out, and finally getting the opportunity, it isn't panning out the way I had dreamed.  Many events in our life with Sam have not panned out the way we expected and thought, but I really had hoped that school would be different.  His teachers are wonderful people, and his special education support staff is a Godsend, but I still wonder in the back of my mind how much his teachers will put up with before they have to tell us he can no longer come to school.  There is also the sense of dread that I feel in that I am peeking into the future with Sam. This is not going to be a problem that is short term; we've got 14 more years of trying to mold the education system to fit the needs of our autistic son.

Sloane is coming into her own personality, which means that she is now testing her boundaries, and using her adorableness to get away with things she wants. I have no idea where she got that from. ;)  Sloane has been in time out a lot lately, as her favorite thing to do is put her hand on her hip and say "NO!" to everything.  She's still a wonderful role model to Sam, and she is very encouraging to him. She's currently obsessed with Mr. Jackson, our ill weiner dog. She's always bringing him blankets and petting him and making sure he is comfortable. She's also taken to carrying "baby" around everywhere. Sometimes baby is named Grant (her cousin), but most of the time it's simply Baby.  Sloane is my natural care giver.  She goes to daycare at least once per week, and hates leaving when it's time.  As many times a day she makes me want to pull my hair out, there are at least double the times that I laugh uncontrollably at her phrases, and melt at the sweetness she gives to everything around her.

So there's my update. Sorry it's been so long, and I look forward to hopefully updating with pictures of our bananas September.  But for now, I'm going to go snuggle with my not-so-baby children.

Overheard in the Backseat

Lately I feel like I've had to herd my cats all over hell's half acre, and that isn't far from the truth. Between Sam's school and various therapies, play dates for Sloane, and the stuff of life, we have been spending a lot of time in the car lately.  And the kids have been cracking me up with some of their "isms".

Sloane: "Mom! Quit singing! You sound like a cat."

Sloane: "Mom. I neeeeed you to stop for chocolate milk, or my hair is going to fall out."

Sam: "Mom, I don't need you to come up to Miss Kelly and Kaffi (Kathy) today. I can go. And I want red pizza. Bye."

Sam: "Who is that guy?"
Me: "I'm not sure honey, he's just walking."
Sloane: "He needs a shower and some Toy Story bubbles."

Sloane: "Mom! Mom! MOM!  My feet stink."
Sam: "I smell?"
**stretches foot over**
Sam: "Yuck"

Sam: "Mom, I peed on the tree at school."
Me: **facepalm** I'm sure Miss Kelli and Miss Kathy are sooo impressed.

Not in the car, but Sloane also had a doozy this week. She came up to me, covered in syrup from head to toe from breakfast and said "Mom! I am a hot ass mess. Where's the washcloth?"  Yes daughter. Yes you are. :)

I anticipate an interesting year and more to come as the months wear on. :)

Sam's First Day

Today was a big milestone in my life, and my son's. It was Sam's first day of preschool in a regular classroom.

Actually, it was the second day of school, but it was Sam's first because he skipped the first day to come to my class reunion. Yes, I know, Mother of the Year. :)

So anyway, we got up and got dressed, and packed his school bag, and got in the car. He was excited to see Miss Kathy and Miss Kelli, and laughed with joy when his therapists Miss Janice and Miss Mindy came in to be with him.  I was confident he was in good hands, and when I picked him up today he had already made 2 pictures to grace our hallway with. He was happy. He had a wonderful day. He wants to go every day and see his new friend Zoe.

I have mixed emotions. Firstly, I don't know why, but I never thought this day would come...the day where I am comfortable and confident to leave Sam in someone else's care. To be taught by people who know better about what he needs than his mom.  To enjoy spending time with just my daughter, while my son learns about things I've never taught him, by people who love him as much as I do.  It's heartwarming, and sad, and happy, and scary, and hopeful...all wrapped in to one heart. Mine.

Sloane begged to stay at school with Sam, so it won't be long before she is in a Parents Day Out program, and I am awash with free time I never anticipated having so soon.  My kids are growing up. I can't stop time, but we are reveling in the changes in our household, and I am stocked up on Kleenex for my onion paper heart.

Cuteness

Hey! Guess what everyone? I'm still alive! Barely!  My parents and entire family were up a few weekends ago to celebrate Sam's birthday (party #3) and to just hang out. We got the first ever, actual decent picture of all of the kids sort of looking in our general direction. Cat herding is hard work. :)

We're off to the SWK again this weekend for more family fun, so I'll have more to post soon.

Loves,

The Hot Mess

Cake Wreck: Sombrero Edition

As many of you probably know, I really love to make my children's birthday cakes. I am not a cake decorator by any stretch, but one of the things I loved from my childhood were my homemade, home decorated, birthday cakes.  It's instant nostalgia for me.

Sam and two of his friends have birthdays in August, and instead of all of us having 3 separate parties, we always do them all together, in one big blow out day.  This year the theme was the Three Amigos, so mustaches and pinatas and sombreros were a must.  The cake wreck theme was born: A giant sombrero.  We also make personalized cookies for the kids with mustaches on them.  They all turned out adorable!  I love them.

Happiest of Birthdays, My Sweet Sam.

August 8, 2007 was a day that changed my life forever.  My beautiful miracle child came into the world. It was quite a production, as Sam does nothing on the small scale. He wanted excitement, terror, happiness, panic, and love...and he got all of it. He still does nothing small.  Sam's motto is "go big or go home." 

This week, Sam jumped off the diving board at Aunt Megan's house with no life jacket, in the deep end, with no adult there to catch him or make sure he wouldn't sink to the bottom.  He kicked over to the ladder and continued doing it for the rest of the afternoon.  The people there might not have noticed, but hubs and my hearts were bursting with pride for our daring child.

Sam's vocabulary is expansive now, and he will pretty much repeat everything anyone says. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. :)  His favorite thing to do is sing songs, many of which he's only heard once before.  He likes to recite commercials, too.  Hubs and I have a good chuckle every time we hear Sam tell us we can get something "for the low low price of 19.95!" or talk to us about the "3 levels of insulation in the Pack-It cooler".  It's not so funny when he reminds me that I need to bust out the cuss jar again.

Sam starts preschool in September, and we are most excited for this transition in his life.  Uneasy transitions are not Sam's strong suit, but he's head strong and will figure anything out he sets his mind too.  And he's got some of the most wonderful, caring instructors, therapists, and people in his life.  I have no doubt that Sam will continue to do Big Things.

Jump off the diving board of life, my sweet son.  Though there might not be anyone there to catch you, I know that you will kick until you make something wonderful of whatever situation arises.

Happy Birthday, Samuel Mark.

Like Mommy, Like Sloaney

This past weekend we visited my family back in Southwest Kansas.  I am to a point in life that I really do appreciate and love going back home, even though at 18 if you'd have told me that I'd have laughed in your face.  It's good to get away from the grind in my own home, and Sammah and Papa's house is a great place for the kids.

I take a lot of pictures. A lot.  I'm the family photographer; everyone always knows that I will show up with my Nikon, shooting every minute of our gathering together.  I can't help it, I want to preserve memories.  I want to remember times like these, where my kids are cute and smile and laugh...so that I can ease the pain when they are mean, have attitude problems, and want to G.I. Jane their hair or dye it green.

This weekend I caught Sloane playing mommy. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "I'm being you", and she'd grabbed an old camera and was walking around telling everyone to Smile! and Say Cheese!

Too cute for words.  I hope she gets some of my other attributes, too.