I am a social person. Very. When I became a stay at home parent, it was SO HARD at first. What? I get to stay home all day hooked up to a milk machine with a tiny screaming baby? This is my life? It was a time of much transition for me. I've gotten better about not having to see people every day, but I would still consider myself more social than most.
Since my husband left for the desert a month ago, my social life has taken a very sharp nosedive. We are maintaining 2 homes and saving for the "big move" and all that jazz, so the awesome sitter that I have cannot be called at every dinner invite and Girls Night Out. It has been hard. My husband did a wonderful job of seeing the look of despair on my face certain nights, and was more than happy to say "why don't you go to Starbucks or call your friend to go get wine, darling?" And I was out the door before he finished the sentence. My children see this look and just scream louder for MORE CHOCO MILK PLEEEEZ MOM!
I am also really bad at asking for help from people. Family, friends, it doesn't matter. I have lived most of my life being the person who can juggle 12 balls in the air and not drop them. There are days lately that I feel like I am totally flailing and dropping multiple balls, and I am too proud to call and ask someone to watch the kids before I rip their darling faces off. Though we are in different spots in our child rearing years, it is apparent that I am not alone. I need to get out of here!
The problem is, it can be a vicious cycle. I need to get out, but I am so stressed and tired and frazzled and just plain depressed that I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to call friends, or eat out, or go to the park. I want to sit here and cry about how freaking hard it is right now.
It isn't healthy. Tomorrow, I vow to get out, even if it's just to a friends to let my kids run and scream and destroy someone else's house (sorry Jessie). Maybe. Probably. I hope so.