Tuesday, November 30, 2010

She Comes By It Honestly...

To say that my baby daughter likes food is an understatement.  The girl loves food.  Her life revolves around what is for each meal and snack. She would carry around a bag of treats all day if you let her. You should see her carseat.

So it comes as no surprise to me that she managed a way to get into the Thanksgiving day desserts.  Everyone else had gone to the annual Thanksgiving Day movie, and it was just my family and a few other people lazing around after our gorge-fest.  Sloane walks into the kitchen with her mouth stuffed full of food. I was curious as to what she was feasting on, so I followed her around to the formal dining room, where the buffet table always holds all of the desserts.  And there she was, in her cute little dress, on top of a cooler, chowing down.

That's my girl.

Monday, November 22, 2010

The LeBron James of Spelling...

As you may well have seen, I have completely abandoned the concept of writing a blog everyday for a month. Like most things, I'm in it to win it for like 2 weeks, and then cooler, more fun things take the place of my blog-writing goal.  Blame it on my ADD, which is also the reason that my poor husband hasn't seen a movie in the almost 9 years we have been together. Sorry Johnny.

Anyways, this weekend was a hilarious one. I do not party like a rockstar too much anymore (and even then, it's about half-assed rockstar these days), but this weekend was an exception.  John and I were in a charity spelling bee this weekend, and so Friday night we had 3/4 of our team over to "practice" for the spelling bee, which really means we sat around and drank too much wine with a Webster's dictionary in front of us.  It was hilarious.  I tend to be competitive in nature, so I was a trash talking fool the entire night. I even lamented to my friend Megan, via Facebook chat, that I was "the LeBron James of spelling." Hence, our team name was born. :)

Saturday rolls around, and the spelling bee was a total blast. There are 2 kinds of teams that show up to these charity spelling or trivia or "game-related" events: 1. The kind that are there for the kids regardless of outcome, so they are all about having a good time, or 2. The kind that are competitive ass-hats, who complain about things "not being fair", and drink Diet Pepsi even though beer is free and included in your entry fee.  My team is, and always will be the #1's of the crowd.  Some of the #2's kept rolling their eyes and laughing at us as we drank beers, spelled words right, and jabbed and cracked jokes with the other teams. We even gave away one of our mulligans to a struggling team that night. BECAUSE IT IS FOR CHARITY. And it is fun.

Needless to say, we showed all those other teams. The LeBron James of spelling not only had the most of fun of the entire event, we WON the spelling bee. Take that, boring people. :)  Then we went out celebrating, drinking our beers out of our tiny trophies, and all around having a great time.  There was even a pseudo car theft involved, which turned out to be hilarious after it was all said and done.

So, two days of great friends and cocktails meant that John and I went to bed at like 8 last night.  It's fun to be a rockstar for a weekend, but I am completely content most of the time to be a boring old housewife who has dinner parties.  A boring old housewife who is the LeBron James of spelling.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I *heart* Grocery Shopping

A lot. I love scanning the grocery ads, planning the meals, writing and organizing the lists (by aisle), and going to the store. I live for Thursdays, when JT gets paid and I can plan my course of action.

Tonight, with the few coupons that I do clip, my Dillons card, and my cunning ability to save money, I got $200 bucks worth of groceries for $120.  That's $80 left over for boxed wine. Maybe even the fancy boxed wine. Oh, the possibilities.

One more step on the road to being geriatric. Pretty soon, I'll be drinking coffee at 8pm. Oh wait.  Nevermind.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Things I've Learned As A Mom...

1. Most parents are not going to parent the way you do. As long as they are doing their best and no one is getting hurt, that is OK.

2. You can eat a peanut butter sandwich with no hands, especially if there is a diaper blowout in your midst.

3. My children can drive me absolutely to the brink of sanity, and reel me back in an instant with a sweet gesture, genuine smile, or I Love You Mama.

4. Portable DVD players are a gift straight from the baby Jesus.

5. Every parent on the planet has experienced a complete child meltdown in the aisles of Target. If they tell you they haven't, they are lying through their teeth.

6. Mom intuition is as powerful a tool as a doctor. If it feels bad to mom, you know it ain't right.

7. It is OK for your kids to not like your friend's kids, but it certainly makes you better friends when they do. :)

8. Lower your expectations for home decor.  I love a stylish house, but if it makes me a screaming Cruella DeVille on Xanax, it is not worth it.  They will grow up and you can get your depression glass out again. Up high, but it's still out. :)

9. Kids don't care about "stuff." My kids have two favorite things: Sloane's are her blanket and a ball. Sam's are his blanket and a Hot Wheels toy.  We've got toys out the wazoo, and these are their cherished things. Grand total price, about 4 bucks. (blanks were gifts from Aunt Ryan)

10. There is no such thing as "too many pictures."  I've tried, and I still feel like I have missed so much. They grow too fast.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Lame, with No Regrets.

Remember at the beginning of this month when I apologized in advance for some of the lame-ness you would all witness?  Weekends, you are going to find a lot of it here.

I like to blog, but I like to write really cute or really fun or really quality blogs. I am finding it hard to crank one out each day that I consider good, mainly because I don't have really cute/fun/quality topics happening everyday in my life.  Sometimes they are few and far between.

Regardless, I am coming at you lame tonight, because I was hosting a dinner party with friends.  Sunday Supper at Casa de Hot Mess.  I love having friends over, I love the closeness that my girlfriends and guy friends have with my family.  Since most of my family lives a car trip away, many of these friends make for great aunts and uncles "because we think you're awesome, and not because we're blood relatives and have to like you," as one friend puts it.

I am still going to rock the blog-a-day, but sometimes you've just got to live life, and not report it.  Tonight is one of those nights.  Happy Sunday peeps!

PS- We had Jim and Patti's chicken enchiladas.  Totally awesome.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Raising Kids...

It is hard.  Trust me on this.

Friday, November 12, 2010


Well, I failed.

I didn't get a blog posted yesterday.  I was busy, tired, and there were still guys here doing work on our house.  They found problems yesterday, and had to basically rebuild a side of my house (thank you water damage), but we're all good today and the bill for that extra repair wasn't too bad.  Mainly because when you live in a house equivalent to Pandora's box when it comes to home improvements, you learn to save about $1500 more than what any quote is.

And so, here is my I AM A FAILURE blog for today, but I will hopefully get another, better one posted today too. Two in the same day, that should totally make up for missing one, right? RIGHT?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Comin' At You With Crowbars and Sawzalls...

Well ladies and gentlemen, I am short today on many things. Patience and time being a few of them.  We're having our new windows installed today. I love home improvements, but I do not like the process of home improving. There are strangers in my house. Hilariously funny, totally my-kind-of-people strangers in my house, but strangers nonetheless.  I am far too neurotic to witness the destruction of my home, but I did manage to get a few pictures today before I collapsed in full panic attack mode.

And so, here's my lame ditty for the day. Here's what a bedroom looks like with no windows.  I'm sure my neighbors are loving the sneak peak into my home.  Enjoy neighbors. Enjoy blogosphere.

On the menu for tonight: mass quantities of wine. Maybe some food, I don't know yet.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

All Roads Lead to Old and Responsible...

It is becoming ever-so-apparent to me that I am becoming a real, live, breathing adult.  I've resisted this notion for a while, but as things have started falling into place in my life, I am starting to give up the ghost.  I am a parent, and a homeowner, and a tax payer.  I have life insurance AND health insurance.  Cuh-razy.

So it comes as no surprise to me that this morning was like an adult version of Christmas at my house.  John and I have needed to replace some windows at our house for quite some time, and we finally saved up enough money to make that happen.  Turns out, windows are not cheap.  John and I used to save money to go to Vegas and buy really important things like Bud Light and hot tubs and dinner out 6 nights a week.  Now, we buy windows (and diapers). And we jump up and down and get excited when the Pella man rings our doorbell.

This, my friends, is what a whole lot of money-saving looks like. Sitting on the floor of my garage. Waiting patiently to be installed.  It is beautiful. BEAUTIFUL.  And it is the reason you don't see us out much anymore.

Next stop, the early bird dinner at Perkins. Oh well. I'll get home in time to stare at my new windows before bedtime at 6:30. :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

A is for Awesome!

Dinner time at my house most nights is chaos.  Between the hours of 4 and 6pm, my kids are usually in the throes of some level of tantrum at my feet, the dogs are barking at the neighbor kids, the phone is ringing, and someone is whining for a snack or movie or trust fund or something.  And you know, I'm trying to make dinner, too.

And then dinner is usually it's own adventure. Is Daddy going to be home to eat with us tonight?  Which kid will ask for nuggets or cookies first? Who is going to spill their drink?  It usually ends up with one or both kids on my lap trying to eat my food, which is the same food that was on their plates but Mom's is on a glass plate so IT MUST BE BETTER.

Tonight, for the first time since I can remember, we had a really really great family dinner.  It wasn't anything fancy, (though my meatloaf is sort of the bomb)  but we were all together eating at the same time. The kids ate what I cooked, loved it, and wanted more.  Nobody cried, or yelled, or threw a fit when they couldn't bring their toys to the table.  Sam asked to be excused, and washed his own hands.

WTF has happened to my family?  Believe me, I am not complaining, but I could SO get used to this. :)

They even ate their vegetables. Maybe Aunt Kathy needs to come stay more often.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


I sat at home most of the day trying to rustle up a blog worthy quip about our awesome weekend, but I just couldn't come up with much.  After our full day yesterday at the KU game, John and I did our best to go out and get "crazy." We were home and in bed by 11. Even a free overnight babysitter isn't enough to keep us out when we're tired.

Today, we spent a day with our family making our weekend even more awesome.  Homemade breakfast burritos (with homemade tortillas even!), raking and mowing leaves, getting snuggles and kisses from Aunt Kate, and sharing cake and pizza with Aunt Patti and Uncle Jim, and cousin Chase.

Our yard looks awesome, and our hearts are full. I love my family.

Happy Sunday

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Happy Birthday Johnny!

Today is my husband's birthday.  This isn't the best photo of him, but I am on his foreign Mac computer and don't know where the better photos are, so you get the idea. This is him roller skating at one of my ridiculous birthday parties.  He's awesome like that. :)

Happy Birthday John. You claim that me and the children are the best thing that's ever happened to you, but I think it is the other way around.  Thanks for being such a great husband, father, and friend.  We love you with all that we've got--even when what we've got is stinky and gross. :) It's all love daddy.

Hope you have a special day with us today, tomorrow, and for years to come.

Your family

Friday, November 5, 2010

Hansel and Gretel go AWOL

Once upon a time, there was a very smelly mommy who needed to take a shower.  Earlier in the day, mommy had an Oh-My-God moment on the scale and decided to throw out the remaining Halloween cupcakes to protect herself and her ass from more calories.  She buried the cupcakes deep in the garbage can so as to not tempt herself with dumpster desserts.

While mommy was in the shower for a whopping 4 minutes, her two scheming children realized they had a supervision free moment and seized the opportunity.  Since the boy child has a mind like a steel trap, he remembers that mommy threw cupcakes away this morning.  "That mommy, she's crazy like a thyroid.  I'm going to get those perfectly tasty cupcakes."  Girl child chimed in "I want to help!"

So off they went, to dig through the garbage can.  They paid no mind to the fact that mommy had just laboriously scrubbed and detailed her kitchen and dining room. Piles of garbage were strewn all about the freshly mopped floors, in search of sugary goodness.  At last they found the cupcakes. They both dug in to them, smearing orange frosting all over their faces and hands.  Girl child thought the orange color would be a perfect accent to mommy's newly painted kitchen walls.  A glorious time was had by the 2 scheming chidren, for the entire time mommy was showering, and thinking of all the hard work she'd done today, and how great it would be to relax.

Then mommy discovered her scheming children, and there were time outs, Clorox wipes, and a busy afternoon for all. And a Xanax for mommy.

The End.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Well here it is, Day 4, and I am already sort of slacking off.  It's a list! Lists are easy, and I've got grocery shopping and errands to run today.  And I've also got to start on my slew of home-made requests that a certain Mr. Birthday Husband has requested. You know, like another one of these:

And so, because I have to go run and slave over a hot stove all day, you get a list.

Today, I want to take a minute and list a few things I am thankful for.  I am always thankful for friends and family and jobs, but I thought I'd spice it up and give you a few other not so run-of-the-mill things that get me through most days.

1. Max and Ruby.  This series of ridiculous videos saves my life every single day around 4pm. And in the morning. And pretty much any time I need to get something done. It's on right now, matter of fact.  I hate this show. Hate it. But if it means I get 3 minutes to put a look together, I will play it and feel ZERO GUILTY.

2. Coffee. Oh, sweet coffee. I never thought I would become my mom, who drinks coffee all day long, but I did. And it is glorious.

3. A savings account. Pretty much every sort of surprise, unexpected thing broke or needed to be paid this week. If it weren't for my savings account, I would be turning tricks on the street corner right now.

4. Halloween candy. I am glad it is gone. So is my ass. It's really glad it's gone, and not via my mouth. I sent it all to JT's work.

5. Tyson frozen chicken nuggets. Because they are pretty much the only thing my very picky son will eat.

So there. It's a short list, but again, how do you expect me to keep my Stay At Home Parent membership card if I don't get all the groceries shopped and a cake baked and a chicken roasted, all while wearing my tiara and pearls and best heels?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tales of An Election Night Widow

As I mentioned yesterday, we had an election this week.  I have many friends who love elections, love watching the 24 hour, up to the minute coverage, love the discussion, debate, etc., right up until all of the winners are announced.

I used to love these things too. Then I married a newspaper man.

You see, all of that information that everyone craves? He provides it. From the time the polls close to the last ballot counted, my husband has to be all over that like white on rice. Until it is done.  Which means I become a newspaper widow.

John worked until 12:30 last night, and he publishes weekly newspapers. WEEKLY people. One day per week. When he worked for the local daily, he worked until all ballots were counted, or until the last possible minute before the press could run.

My husband loves his job, and I do believe he provides an invaluable service to our community and the communities in which he has publications.  But man, I could sure do without the 20 hour days he has to work to provide that service.

So, today, give a shout out to the journalists of the world. Because whether you loved the results of yesterday's elections or want to crawl into a cave for the next two years, there were journalists working long hours to provide you your information. And there were journalist's spouses sitting at their house alone with their children, wondering when the hell their husband would be home because they were OVER taking care of kids for the day. :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Lindsey's Soap Box Issue of the Day

Today is November 2nd, voting day in the US.

I love to vote. I couldn't wait to turn 18 so that I could vote. I vote in everything my town will let me. There's a vote for city commision? more funding for the bus? the official town juice flavor? I'll be there.

Why? Because people. WHY NOT? We are Americans. We fought for our rights to vote. I am also a woman. Women have only recently been afforded their right to vote (like in the last 100 years).  Being able to get up and schlep my kids to the American Legion on voting day is an honor. It's like giving Susan B. Anthony a high five. And, my kids love the stickers, and the little cute ladies who volunteer at the polls love snuggling and holding them while I cast my vote.  It's win-win people.

Go vote. Go vote go vote go vote.  Be a good person for your country, for your community, hell, for yourself.

And if you don't, I will come to your house and knock you upside the face with a shoe. Because barring an emergency and/or felony, every citizen of this country should be casting a ballot today.

Monday, November 1, 2010

November is NaBloPoMo, Kokomoko

National Blog Posting Month, folks. Google it.

I started this blog to keep people up to date on the lives of my kids, and I've sort of made it my own thing, too. So, I am going to drink the proverbial Kool-Aid and try and post a blog a day for the entire month of November. I am not a writer by trade, or even by passion, so I guess this is sort of my apology in advance. There could be some way random, ridiculous, and maybe even stupid stuff posted on this page in the coming month, but I am not a quitter, so I am going to do my best.

And so, I start this fresh, new month of November with some general cuteness, courtesy of the tiny terrors.

I look forward to a month of ridicule at my expense. Sit back and enjoy the show.
Me, teaching my kids the finer points of covering/hiding a body with leaves. You know, in case they ever come in contact again with their mommy's crazy cousins.

Super Bunny (from Max and Ruby) and Miss Ladybug. Happiest of Halloween's so far.