Friday, April 8, 2011

Mars and Venus

We are leaving this weekend for a visit to my folks' house. We leave this afternoon sometime.

How Mommy Gets Ready For A Trip:
- 2 days before trip, make a list of every possible item the kids will need, and writes notes all over everything like "don't forget to charge camera" and "wash lovey blankets"

- the night before, washes every shred of clothing and fabric in the house and folds. Leaves for husband to put away, which he ignores.

-Day of- puts away clothes and curses husband.

---packs a bag for herself, with an extra outfit for when her kid smears chocolate cake on her shirt at 10am.

---packs bags (notice, plural, as in "more than one") for each child, with extra diapers, medicines, toys, wipes, loveys, videos, snacks, and every other freaking thing imaginable that they might want

---packs more diapers, because the memories of "that one time we went to St. Louis and baby got sick" are still fresh in your mind

---packs cameras, video equipment, computers, phone chargers, and Ipod. So that when you get to your destination, you do not use any of this. You forget to record, or snap a picture, or check your e-mail. This step is a waste of energy, but we do it every.single. time.

---packs the magical, all powerful DVD player. And brings extra batteries, just in case. And every movie the kids own.

---if dogs are travelling, there is an entire other bag of stuff for them. And a giant dog kennel.

---on packing day, mom still manages to clean up house, feed kids, answer e-mails, cook, shower, and get the oil changed in the car. And write a blog.  Then she sits quietly, waiting for dad to come home, so she can pack the car and leave. She's mapped the route, and knows we will be "here" at 5:15 for a dinner at Wendy's before the kids have a total meltdown.

How Daddy Gets Ready For A Trip:
-goes to work. Works.
-comes home. Sees that wife is completely packed, as is his entire family. The bags are waiting by the door.
-sees the laundry has been put away. Ut oh. Wife is mad at me.
-is questioned by wife: "where is your bag, dear?" He told wife he packed last night. He didn't. Ut oh, it's that bulging neck vein again. He's seen it before. He is scared.
-Quick! Throw some shit in a bag and get the F outta here before she freaks out.
-Gets to destination, and realizes that he didn't pack socks. Or a tooth brush. Or any pants.

And he wonders why I drink wine. ;)


  1. And I'll just bet you are packing the wine, too, am I right? All men are this way, not just yours. Cheers.