Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Lowered Expectations, Volume 17

Today I did something I swore to myself I would never, ever do.  I bought my son a leash.

OK, it isn't a proper leash. It's a kid friendly "child safety harness system" that has a loveable cuddly monkey shape to it. Sort of like this one:

But, let's all be honest...it's a leash.  And you know what? It is a gift straight from the baby Jesus. I am tired. I am busy. I have to run errands and buy groceries, and since my husband works a mere 70 hours a week, most of the time my kids are being schlepped all over hell's half acre with me. I'm sure a lot of you have 2 kids and manage just fine.  I bow to you. If my neck bulges any more at the store while Sam is running away, laughing at me, I'm bound to blow a carotid right there in aisle 8.

And so, I purchased the leash. And he loves it. Finally, the store is a little bit more manageable. I can't wait to get "the look" from strangers, or have people feel free to interpret my son's harness as me being a lazy parent.  Seriously. I dare someone.  I pack a mean left hook, and my wedding ring is made of platinum and sharp diamonds. Bring it.

I think I'll put a sign on the monkey that says "If you pet me, I go bananas."  Might as well have a good laugh at my expense. :)


  1. Ha ha! And maybe you need a shirt that says something similar - just to stop them in their tracks before they comment. I'm all for child safety and restraints. What busy, harried mom is not?

  2. My grandmother bought a leash for my sister who was a chronic "runner". Since it was the 70's it really was a dog harness. She hated, Mema loved it. If it makes your errands easier I say go for it :)

  3. I think your t-shirt should say "Yeah it's a leash. WHAT?"

  4. Tell anyone that asks or gives the look that your child has already been placed in an exceptionally gifted program and the leash is part of an enrichment program exercise that your child will be writing a paper on.