John left today. It went about as well as it could have, with a few last minute cluster f#$ks. You know, best laid plans and all that. My head light was burned out this morning when I left to take Sam to school, so in John's last ditch effort to be Man Of The House, he decided he would fix it before he left. It took both of us to do it, and my hands were smaller, so they could maneuver the tight space easier. Suffice it to say, I ended up doing most of the light bulb installation. It's almost like it was preparation for the weeks to come...John wanting to come do the things I don't want to do, but not being able to, and me having to put on my Big Girl Pants and do it myself.
I do not like to be alone. John will tell you that one of our first serious conversations started with "I do not like to sleep alone." And I do not. And tonight, for the first of many nights in a row, I will crawl into my bed without my best friend next to me. I know that it is temporary, and that the end result will be that we all end up in the desert together, happy and safe and sound. But tonight? Tonight I am heartbroken. I miss my husband, and do not look forward to being the 100%, around the clock, only care provider for my household.
Life sometimes sucks. A lot of times, though, the sucky times in life are what define and shape our relationships. They make them stronger. They make us more appreciative of the roles played in our family. They make the love grow when you thought your heart was at capacity. They make you put on your Big Girl Pants and do what it right for your family, even if it isn't ideal.
I put mine on. Bring it.