Monday, March 31, 2014

New Frontiers

On August 8, 2007, my life changed forever.  Our Sam was born.  But, if I am being honest, my life changed on May 12th, 2007, when my obstetrician told me that my new job was to lay in bed all day and focus on bringing a healthy, full term baby into the world.  My boss knew that I was thinking about becoming a stay at home parent, and Sam's scary pregnancy and our previous losses only bolstered my decision. On May 12th, I took my doctor's note to my boss, cried in her office, and then packed up and left my position as a scientist for a position as incubator.

Fast forward to 2014, and things are beginning to look as scary as they did that day in May when I turned my world upside down.  Sam now has a sister, and in the fall of this year, both children will be attending school. For the first time in 7 years, I have entire afternoons and mornings to myself.

It goes without saying that I've hardly gone without a job for the past 7 years, it's just that my job has looked a whole lot different than I envisioned when I was in college. I gave up petri dishes for potty dances, and paychecks for hugs.  We've thrived as a family with one income, mostly due to good budgeting and my husband's hard work.

I feel sad that my official job for the past 7 years is sort of "over."  My kids don't need someone to change their pants and feed them and rock them anymore.  They can get their own milk and cereal and make their own waffles and go to school. They are becoming self sufficient humans, and I am so proud, but so paralyzed by the new options presented for me.

With both kids in school, I'm in a weird transition period. I still want our family to have the niceties of having a parent at home. I want to pick them up, and be involved with their schools, and make dinner and bitch about being the only one that cleans. But, the thought of being able to use my college education and contribute financially to our household is appealing as well. 

I know that whatever decision I make, I have the full support of my husband. I just wish I knew what it was I wanted to do now that my babies aren't babies anymore.

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