Busted.

Hello,
My name is Sloane, and I love dog food. Even though my mom tells me 1,349 times a day to stay out of it, I can't help myself. It is delicious, and looks beautiful spread all over the kitchen floor. My mom is a buzzkill. I can only imagine what my teen years are going to be like.

Peace out,
Sloane

Dear Sloane,
If I told you what dog food consisted of, you wouldn't be so anxious to shovel it into your mouth. I promise I am only looking out for you. And you don't have to worry about what your teen years are going to be like, because the convent you'll be going to has a structured curriculum, so I'm told.

Love,
Mom