Lesson of the Day

They say that if you don't learn something new everyday, that day is lost.

Today, I learned not to let your children hover above you with things in their hands. I was laying on the floor, and Sloane was standing at my head giggling at me with a full bottle of milk. A full bottle of milk that fell out of her hands, and landed square on my nose.

I can't wait to show off my black eyes at my friend's wedding next week.

Melt

This picture makes my heart feel super happy. We ventured downtown with Grandma Lolly to get some ice cream, and I was playing paparazzi, like always.

My husband is tops.

Happy Fathers Day Johnny!

My family is so lucky. You see, we have a pretty great guy living under our roof. He folds laundry, puts food on our table, and remembers to put the seat down.

He kisses boo boos, tells bedtime stories, and gives baths. He plays trains, tea parties, and isn't too cool to dance with his daughter or swing on the playground with his boy.

He thinks we are the best things that ever happened to him. We think he's the best thing that ever happened to us. He's fun. His laugh lights up even the cloudiest days.

He is Sloane and Sam's daddy, and my husband.

Happy Fathers Day John. We love you more than you could ever imagine. Thanks for being a super father...I wish every person on Earth had such an awesome dad.

Friday Confessions

I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately, so this is just going to have to do folks. Sorry.

1. I am 100% a huge fan of vaccinations for kids. All of the recommended ones. Don't try to convince me otherwise, I took more than my fair share of virology and communicable disease classes in college. BUT--Sloane had a bad reaction to one of her immunizations this week. The injection site is all bruised up and swollen, and I feel horrible for her. It sort of makes me feel bad that I did that to her. Not bad enough to quit doing it, but still...mama cried.

2. I am over the moon excited to be able to leave my house alone tonight. To go grocery shopping, and to the library. On a Friday. I knew I was getting older, but man...that is sad. I think I'll get dressed up and wear heels.

3. I am currently typing this with 2 children crawling all over me. I am literally covered in children. I wish they would just Stop. Touching. Me. for 10 minutes. I am a human jungle gym from the time I wake up until the time they go to sleep. And poor John wonders why I just want to be left alone at night.

4. I have taken away close to 50% of the toys my kids have this week. They are all in a Sterlite container in the garage. Just keep throwing them at eachother kids, I could have a cleaner house by next week. Time out, Thomas Choo Choo.

5. I am making John another from-scratch German Chocolate Cake for Father's Day. Every Father's Day, I get insanely jealous that his day is 150% better than mine was. That man needs to keep me around, because I am pretty much awesome.

6. Vodka is still a gift "straight from the baby Jesus", as my friend Megan says. :)

Hope your weekend is a great one folks.

I have tried to write...

a new blog post for 4 days in a row. They all come out sounding dumb, so I keep hitting delete instead of publish.

Maybe I just feel like I sound stupid.

Is this what writer's block feels like? I guess it's as close as I'll get to experiencing it.

I'm trying peeps.

Mom FAIL: Potty Training Edition

I am a failure.

Sam is soon to be turning 3, and the child has no interest whatsoever in potty training. I have tried super-cool big boy underwear. I have tried chocolate. I have tried Sprite. I have tried to bribe with a pony, and a trip to Vegas when he's 21. No dice.

It is making me crazy.

Not because I care what other moms think. Not because I really care about the expense of diapers. I mean, when you've got to grab some for the Princess Diva Pants, it's easy to just grab Sam's size, too. It's because I know he knows how to control it. We're having a battle of wills, and the 3 year old is outsmarting the adult.

I want to enroll Sam in preschool. Our church has a really awesome program, and I have talked repeatedly with the head teacher. She wants Sam to come to preschool, too. But Sam has to be potty trained for school. And he is not. So I just continue to talk to the teacher on the phone, instead of chatting with her while dropping Sam off in her classroom and leaving.

Come on kid. Pee in the potty. You know you want to. No? You don't want to? Well then fine. I guess I will sit here and sulk while you laugh on the inside. It's going to be a long 18 years if you keep up your stubborn ways, little Chupa.

Things I Never Thought I'd Say...

as a parent. Today there have been some doozies.

"Sam, you can't get in the dog crate unless you let your sister in there with you."

"Please stop licking the television."

"Hands do not go in the potty. Neither do feet or legs."

More Grandparent visits!!

A few weekends ago, my parents came up for a visit. It's always special when my Dad makes it to my house. Before last weekend, the last time he was here was when Sloane was born. Hunting season is 9 months out of the year, afterall. :)

They brought my nephew Aidan with them. He and Sam play so well together, and I am always so shocked and sad at how much he has grown. We all had a wonderful time together. We played and shopped at the Legends, spent time at a local park, and just had good time together. I was sad to see them go, and I know the kids missed them, too. Come back soon and play, Sammah and Papa!

Sloane getting some Sammah nuggles

Daddy and Sam swinging Dinner at the little dude table.

Mommy put the camera down long enough to be in a picture!

Sloane getting some love from Papa.

Aidan couldn't resist the fountain!
I'll just get a little closer...

and closer...

Aaand, he's soaked. But having a total blast!

Sloane prefers to shop topless.

Friday Confessions

Confession is good for the soul, or so that's what the nuns want you to believe. :) I have a few things to confess to the cosmos today, so here they are:

1. My children have been drinking too much Capri Sun. Because they find it delicious, and I am too tired to care. 5% juice and 95% sugarwater sounds like a balanced diet to me. That's why they make Flintstones vitamins.

2. I took the kids to the pool for the first time yesterday, and they loved it so much that we stayed for 2 hours. They went to bed at 6:30, and I got to watch a television program at the time it originally aired, instead of via DVR. This hasn't happened since 2007. We will make a habit of this, me thinks.

3. My house is in total shambles, but we are going back to the pool today. Because there were some fun moms there yesterday, and real, person-to-person conversation is worth the 30 minutes it takes to dress two kids, slather them in sunscreen, pack a pool bag with enough stuff to survive the apocalypse, and drive them to the wading pool. And it's free, which totally rocks my socks off.

4. JT is working tonight, and I am 100% looking forward to feeding the kids PB&J and not cooking a meal. Triscuits and cheese for dinner sounds AWESOME.

5. Yesterday I jokingly posted on my Facebook page something about punching out a bully at the pool who had shoved Sam into the water. A friend warned me that I was starting to sound like "that" mom. No need to warn me, I am fully aware of being "that" mom. And I DO NOT CARE. Have a few kids of your own, and then we can have a discussion.

Happiest of Fridays to you all. We are off to visit my sister Megan this weekend, and celebrate my niece Emery's 2nd birthday. Should be fun! Pictures to follow.

Raw Emotion

99% of the time, you will come to my blog to find a light-hearted, funny take on my life with 2 kids. Today, I must write something not-so-light-hearted. SO, if you came to read this looking for a laugh, skip over this entry. I promise to return soon with another tale straight from the Hot Mess Express.

Many of my friends don't know that John and I lost twin girls. Their 4th birthday is coming up next weekend, and I again find myself sad, angry, and feeling quite alone. It happens every year, and I can honestly say that so far, it hasn't gotten easier. Every June, I am knocked on my ass by grief, and find that I have very few avenues to turn down for a shoulder to cry on.

People don't know how to react when I talk about my twins. I promise, I don't do it to be a Debbie Downer, but they are a part of our family and our life. I feel ashamed that as the years have passed, i've stopped talking to anyone but John about them. I miss them. I love them. I am still angry at the heavens for taking them from me. But people as a whole expect you to move on, to talk about the kids that are here. To quit "bringing the room down" by talking about your dead children. So I lie through my teeth when people ask how many children we have. "Two" I say, with a smile to hide the tears. Because it's easier to do than explaining "well, we've actually got 4, but two died when they were babies" and then people look at you all weird and you feel weird and there is awkwardness, and your fun backyard BBQ just turned south.

I am angry at myself for writing them off like that. The death of Natalie and Meredith forever changed the way John and I are. We are scarred; we are scared. We are overly cautious. We hover over Sam and Sloane, afraid that they will get hurt or sick. I lay awake in bed at night wondering if Sam's cough is turning to pneumonia, or if Sloane's weird bump on her leg is cancer. Because I have lived through the worst case scenario for a mother. I don't want it to happen again. Ever. No parent should have to grieve the loss of their child.

Next week on Natalie and Meredith's birthday, we will have a party here. It will only be John, me, Sam and Sloane, but we will eat birthday cake and wear party hats and celebrate their short life here on Earth. We will also celebrate surviving another year without them. Perhaps I am a nut job, but it makes me feel better. I couldn't provide them a life here, but I can throw them a party. I can love them, and miss them. I can talk to Sam and Sloane about them, and let them know it is OK to miss someone you never met. I can get another step closer to healing the gaping hole in my heart.

Happy Birthday, sweet daughters of mine. I miss you every day, and will never ever forget you. Love-Mom